The Screwtape Emails VII

    The Screwtape Emails VII

    Welcome to SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales, the most strategically biased B2B Marketing Agency, telemarketing services, telemarketing companies (sales agency) and digital marketing companies, serving Orange County, Los Angeles, San Jose, Sacramento and the Pacific Northwest (Bend, Portland, Seattle). We gladly serve California and all 50 United States!

    There are right and wrong ways to go about marketing, and the pitfalls are many. A lot can be learned by seeing how not to manage your marketing. This original blog series weaves together an entertaining story that will help you navigate 21st-Century marketing with a view from “the dark side,” as “Screwtape” teaches his apprentice “Wormwood” via email how to sabotage your marketing. Enjoy…

    PART SE:
    To: Wormwood
    From: Screwtape
    Subject: Ads that SUCK

    My dear Wormwood,

    Ah, yes—we’ve now come to one of my favorite missives: How to make ads that suck! In our ongoing battle to prevent the Patient from prospering, we can prevail upon him to produce the sort of advertising that will make him invisible. Most side-slappingly hilarious of all? We can make him think his atrocious ads are something special (and when they produce the expected meager results, we will convince him that advertising doesn’t work.)

    So, my minion of mayhem, here is a primer on how to make ads that suck:

    • Make sure you stay “safe.” The steadiest road to “suckitude” is to never pass the competition by deviating from the well-worn rut. It feels safe to have your ads look and feel like everyone else’s. I mean, shouldn’t a real estate ad look like a real estate ad? The truth we must never let the Patient discover is that safe ads are the most dangerous kind to his ROI. Safe ads are invisible and do not distinguish one from the competition. At some point, a car insurance company made the move into the fast lane with ads featuring humorous characters, and the result was that Geico became a household name. The other insurance companies are still trying to catch up, but will forever be followers now that Geico has blazed a new trail. Old Spice put the pedal to the metal with a series of ridiculously hyperbolic ads that effectively tripled their sales in short order, and moved them from a musty, old-guy’s product to the most happening name in their market.
    • You’re paying for the ad space, so pack in as much as possible. Print ads that look like a mini brochure, video and radio ads that present a yard sale of features. Have the Patient pack it in like a big city bus ride to Sucksville. Nothing makes people flip the page, scroll up the thumb, hit the mute more than information overload. In reality, the brilliance is most often in brevity, and the greatest impact comes from simplicity. One core message conveyed through humor, shocking fact, tear-jerking seriousness or other emotionally-impacting techniques will get attention—and the purpose of ads is to grab attention, not to inform!
    • Try it for a little while, then pull it if it’s not performing. Don’t allow the Patient to define what “performance” means. Convince him that if people aren’t lined up at the door after running an ad for a week, then it must not be working. Get him thinking that the only thing that matters is short-term revenue resulting directly from the ad. If he should have the confidence to be patient as a brilliant ad campaign unfolds, then we risk him getting long-term results most companies only dream of. Most radically successful ad campaigns must be run and repeated long enough to catch fire and capture the imagination. They must have time to break through filters (which often takes repetition) and then generate buzz by early adopters. People cannot help but become fans of great ads, and once they start talking about their favorites, the flood gates open.
    • Talk about yourself. Too many small businesses owners want to see themselves on the camera—a fact we love! Talking about yourself and/or all the wonderful services you offer is like, as Roy H. Williams puts it, like making people watch home movies of your most recent vacation. In today’s sophisticated digital-media environment, nobody cares about you; they want to see themselves in your ads. It’s a cold, hard truth we can portray to the Patient as selfish and narcissistic on the part of his audience, and blind him to the fact that, by putting himself first, he’s playing the self-centered card perfectly. We know it’s only after you put your audience first that they will turn their attention to you…but let’s not let that get out, shall we?

    There are many other ways to make ads that suck, but this is enough for now. You’re a mere apprentice and I know your capacity for such things is limited. Besides, I’m waiting to see how you handle convincing the Patient to walk into these four traps first.

    Your affectionate uncle,

    Screwtape


    Stay tuned for more relevant content on creating world-class digital marketing strategies and B2B telemarketing sales strategies. We at SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales thank you for joining us in our commitment to unwavering strategic planning, B2B brand marketing and B2B sales execution.

    Call today and our “high-touch” dedicated team will assist you in assessing your strategic sales goals to tailor our marketing and sales tactics to your specific needs.

    SalesFish B2B Telemarketing Services

    SalesFish Net of Sales Services:

    • B2B Direct Sales, Channel Sales and Marketing Strategies
    • On-Site B2B Presentation, Negotiation and Sales
    • B2B Telemarketing and B2B Telesales Services
    • Cold Calls and Appointment Setting
    • Online Presentations and Webinars
    • Product Awareness and Announcement Calls
    • Primary Research: Quantitative and Qualitative Surveys
    • Experiential Event Marketing
    • Pre and Post-Event Calls
    • Audience Acquisition, Exhibit Sales and Sponsorship Sales
    The Screwtape Emails – Old School Pitching

    The Screwtape Emails – Old School Pitching

    Welcome to SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales, the most strategically biased B2B Marketing Agency, telemarketing services, telemarketing companies (sales agency) and digital marketing companies, serving Orange County, Los Angeles, San Jose, Sacramento and the Pacific Northwest (Bend, Portland, Seattle). We gladly serve California and all 50 United States!

    There are right and wrong ways to go about marketing, and the pitfalls are many. A lot can be learned by seeing how not to manage your marketing. This original blog series weaves together an entertaining story that will help you navigate 21st-Century marketing with a view from “the dark side,” as “Screwtape” teaches his apprentice “Wormwood” via email how to sabotage your marketing. Enjoy…

    PART ONE:
    To: Wormwood
    From: Screwtape
    Subject: Old School Pitching

    My dear Wormwood,

    In your glorious mission to sabotage the plans of the business owner, whom we are calling the “Patient,” let us focus on sales. Sales and marketing are the lifeblood of any company, and the greatest threats to your success (I need not remind you that you are being watched, and failure on your part has consequences). Let us discuss, then, the art of “closing the deal.”

    By all means, fill your Patient’s head with all sorts of outdated sales principles. You might be surprised to know that many sales trainers are still teaching old-school sales techniques, dating back to the late 1800s and early 1900s. Tired, regurgitated and woefully out of date, these can be powerful tools in our hands! Convince the Patient that what worked yesterday will work today.

    I must emphasize that you must not allow the Patient to awaken to the fact that today’s consumer is much too sophisticated to fall for “push” sales techniques. Back in the day, companies spoon-fed their brand to the masses, shaping their thinking and perceptions. With online reviews, social media discussions and other information available today, consumers largely define brands. As author and marketing consultant Faris Yakob writes, mass media has given way to “the media of the masses.” Today’s sales prospect comes into the pipeline armed with a knowledge of what they want and don’t want, and they don’t want to be sold.

    We can use this reality to our advantage. Have the Patient focus on “pitching” their product. Convince him that prospects actually care about his product or service, rather than the problems he can help them solve. If the Patient peddles the wonderful features of his offerings, we’ve got him right where we want him—but be sure he gets just enough lukewarm response from this to feed the delusion that this approach will pay off in time. (In this case, we can use the “Power of Positive Thinking” to our advantage.)

    Under no circumstances can you allow the patient to begin with a customer-focused approach! If the Patient asks effective questions about the needs and frustrations of the prospect, our Cause may be lost (and you will be held responsible, my dear Wormwood, so let’s just not go there).

    Yet, there may be a way to salvage even this disaster by transitioning the Patient from customer focus to persuasion—and this is what I will cover in my next training email. The so-called “power of persuasion” can kill a sale faster than a moth flying into a flame (an apropos metaphor for you, if you should fail us.)

    Your affectionate uncle,

    Screwtape


    Stay tuned for more relevant content on creating world-class digital marketing strategies and B2B telemarketing sales strategies. We at SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales thank you for joining us in our commitment to unwavering strategic planning, B2B brand marketing and B2B sales execution.

    Call today and our “high-touch” dedicated team will assist you in assessing your strategic sales goals to tailor our marketing and sales tactics to your specific needs.

    SalesFish B2B Telemarketing Services

    SalesFish Net of Sales Services:

    • B2B Direct Sales, Channel Sales and Marketing Strategies
    • On-Site B2B Presentation, Negotiation and Sales
    • B2B Telemarketing and B2B Telesales Services
    • Cold Calls and Appointment Setting
    • Online Presentations and Webinars
    • Product Awareness and Announcement Calls
    • Primary Research: Quantitative and Qualitative Surveys
    • Experiential Event Marketing
    • Pre and Post-Event Calls
    • Audience Acquisition, Exhibit Sales and Sponsorship Sales

    Outsourcing Exhibit Sales & Sponsorship Sales

    Welcome to the blog for California’s most strategically-biased event planning, event management, event marketing, sponsorship sales, exhibit sales, and B2B event marketing.

    We serve Sacramento, San Francisco, San Jose, Los Angeles, Orange County, San Diego, Portland, and Seattle.  We are very much at home in all 50 United States. Partner with a client centric B2B Market Agency that puts skin in the game… from strategic Telemarketing Services to Experiential Event Marketing.

    If you’re planning an experiential marketing event whether it’s a trade show, user conference, workshop, road show or sales event, you, without a doubt, must decide how to SELL your event.

    If you’re a first time or fairly new event, how you sell is even more critical.  The old adage “build it and they will come” does not apply to any event.  You must gain the trust of your target audience over time by continuing to give them a world-class experiential event marketing experience.

    If you’re a new or mature event, it’s always a great idea to tie your event to a worthy cause and give a portion of proceeds to that cause (cause marketing).  It’s also a good idea to be prepared to give away landscape as well as opportunities to marquee brands and/or companies.

    In regards to audience acquisition, exhibit sales, or sponsorship sales are you trusting in your marketing alone? Learn first hand what an elite Telemarketing Services team can bring to your B2B Lead Generation goals.

    When selling an event it’s never a good idea to represent yourself.  There’s a reason Hollywood stars or professional athletes have agents: it isn’t just for negotiation purposes, but to further reflect how special they really are.

    There’s something about having an intermediary to “brand” target’s minds that your event is special.

    Our strong and strategically-biased encouragement is to not go it alone when selling your event, whether it’s for audience acquisition, sponsorship sales or exhibit sales.

    Stay tuned for future relevant Event Planning, Event Management, Event Marketing, Exhibit Sales and Sponsorship Sales content.

    We at SalesFish Event Marketing & Sales thank you for joining us in our commitment to unwavering Strategic Event planning, Event Management, B2B Telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales, B2B Inside Sales, Sponsorship Sales, Exhibit Sales, Audience Acquisition, Brand Marketing and Execution.

    Outsourcing B2B Telemarketing & B2B Tele-Sales

    Welcome to the blog for California’s most strategically-biased B2B Tele-Sales, B2B Telemarketing, B2B Inside Sales Agency and B2B Marketing Agency serving Sacramento, San Francisco, San Jose, Los Angeles, Orange County, San Diego, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Washington and all 50 United States. Partner with a client centric B2B Market Agency that puts skin in the game… from strategic Telemarketing Services to Experiential Event Marketing.

    In today’s virtual Sales 2.O world does it make sense to outsource your B2B Telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales or B2B Inside Sales activities?  The answer is YES though you still commit to the process of integrated marketing combined with your B2B Telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales and B2B Inside Sales activities.

    Outsourcing your B2B Telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales and Inside Sales requires an organization with strong internal marketing leadership to include strong sales acumen.

    Given that your organization has such strong leadership, it’s prudent to outsource your B2B Telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales and B2B Inside Sales activities to a proven B2B marketing agency partner.

    Carefully consider the decision to outsource.  The vetting of a qualified partner includes a partner strategic in their sales approach with a fundamental understanding of integrated marketing. Learn first hand what an elite Telemarketing Services team can bring to your B2B Lead Generation goals.


    b2b-sales-marketing-telemarketing-tele-sales

    Stay tuned for more relevant content on creating world-class B2B Telesales, B2B Telemarketing and B2B Inside Sales strategies.  We at SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales thank you for joining us in our commitment to unwavering strategic planning, B2B brand marketing and B2B sales execution.

    Portland B2B Telemarketing and Marketing Agencies

    Welcome to the SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales blog serving the Pacific Northwest as the most strategically-biased B2B Sales, B2B Telemarketing, B2B Telesales, Telemarketing Services and B2B Marketing Agency.  We gladly serve Bend, Oregon, Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, Seattle, Washington and all 50 United States. Partner with a client centric B2B Market Agency that puts skin in the game… from strategic Telemarketing Services to Experiential Event Marketing.

    SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales is happy to announce their Pacific Northwest office now serving Portland, Oregon. We’re excited to join the diversity of Portland businesses, assisting them with their marketing and B2B Telemarketing needs.

    SalesFish brings decades of proven experience and offers a unique blend of disruptive strategic brand marketing and B2B Telemarketing, B2B telesales and telemarketing services.

    SalesFish is committed to providing a return on investment (ROI) for every client every time.  The SalesFish brand promise is to “Improve your Net” by providing overall ROI for our clients through a goal-oriented, disciplined and integrated approach to sales and marketing.

    What differentiates SalesFish from other Portland marketing, B2B Telemarketing, B2B telesales, and telemarketing agencies is our FULLY integrated marketing and sales model.

    Highway Sign "Growth - Straight Ahead"

    As a world- class marketing and sales agency assisting Pacific Northwest and West Coast B2B companies seeking world-class B2B sales, telesales, telemarketing services, B2B Telemarketing and marketing services, SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales has provided over 60 billion dollars in quantifiable sales for our clients.

    We know of NO other telemarketing, B2B telesales, B2B telemarketing or B2B marketing agencies serving the Portland area that can make such overwhelming claims.

    The rationale into why SalesFish Brand Marketing and Sales can make such claims is because as sales and marketing agencies go, we provide B2B telesales, B2B Telemarketing and B2B sales.

    We anticipate providing our disruptive sales model to other Portland B2B like-minded businesses, knowing that in a down economy, sales sell and clients are looking for a return on their brand marketing and sales investment.

    Stay tuned! We at SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales, B2B Marketing Agency, Advertising Agency, Interactive Agency, Digital Marketing Agency, Web Design Agency, B2B telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales and B2B Insides Sales thank you for joining us in the commitment to unwavering strategic B2B marketing and sales.

    Portland Marketing Agencies

    Welcome to the blog of the most strategically-biased branding, B2B marketing agency, advertising agency, interactive agency, digital marketing agency and Web design agency serving the Pacific Northwest.  We gladly serve Bend, Oregon, Portland Oregon, Eugene, Oregon and Seattle, Washington and all 50 United States. Partner with a client centric B2B Market Agency that puts skin in the game… from strategic Telemarketing Services to Experiential Event Marketing.

    SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales is happy to announce their Pacific Northwest office now serving Portland, in Portland where other Portland marketing agencies serve. 

    We’re excited to join the variety of Portland marketing agencies and marketing agencies serving the Portland area.

    SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales brings decades of strategic brand marketing agency experience now serving the Portland demographic with other Portland marketing agencies who also act as marketing agencies serving the Portland geographic area.

    SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales is committed to providing a return on investment (ROI) for every client every time, serving Portland businesses along with other featured Portland marketing agencies, and serving as marketing agencies in Portland. SalesFish promises to be number one in providing overall ROI for their clients.

    What differentiates SalesFish from other Portland marketing agencies serving as marketing agencies in the Portland area, is our integrated marketing and sales model.

    As a world class marketing agency helping west coast B2B organizations seeking world-class marketing agencies, SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales has provided over 60 billion dollars in quantifiable sales for their clients. Learn first hand what an elite Telemarketing Services team can bring to your B2B Lead Generation goals.

    Strategic-Integrated-B2B-Marketing-Agencies

    We know of NO other B2B marketing agencies or B2B marketing agencies serving the Portland area that can make such boastful claims.

    The reason SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales can make such claims is because as marketing agencies go, we provide B2B Sales, B2B Telemarketing and B2B Telesales. 

    In serving Portland businesses within the Portland marketing agencies community who also serve as marketing agencies in Portland, we at SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales commit to being the best.  SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales will now bring their B2B Sales, B2B Telemarketing and B2B Telesales model to Portland.

    We hope to provide our sales model to other Portland Marketing Agencies as well, knowing that in a down economy, sales sell.

    Stay tuned! We at SalesFish Brand Marketing & Sales, B2B Marketing Agency, Advertising Agency, Interactive Agency, Digital Marketing Agency, Web Design Agency, B2B telemarketing, B2B Tele-Sales and B2B Insides Sales thank you for joining us in the commitment to unwavering strategic B2B marketing and sales.